Maybe you went to the boss to discuss a pay raise or promotion, or perhaps you were just angling for a better parking space. Whatever the reason, if you emerged with less that what you wanted, you need some advice from Jim Camp, a negotiation coach.

First, let's get one thing straight. Camp doesn't buy into that feel-good strategy of a "win-win" scenario. When you're negotiating, you don't want to approach your adversary worrying about what they get out of the deal.

And while that may sound harsh, Camp says that making the other person feel good is not what negotiation is about. Rather, by designing a strategy and sticking to it, you emerge as a respected negotiator, skillful at getting the other person to give you what you want.

So, what are some keys to successful negotiations? Camp says you should:

1. Never ask for a "yes." Never push the other side into immediately agreeing with you. That only makes the other side feel like they're being tricked, and closes the mind to offering solutions. Believe it or not, start your conversation by asking the other person to say no to what you're proposing. This makes the other person feel safer with you, and even garners their respect.

2. Identify the problem. You must be brutally honest with yourself when you decide what will stop you in the pursuit of your goal. It might even be that you have offended someone or are holding another person back. State the problems clearly to the adversary and ask how this person would solve the problem.

3. Control your emotions. Don't enter into any negotiation unless you can keep yourself under control. You can do this by having a valid mission or purpose "and not trying to become all-powerful," Camp says. "If you're genuinely trying to deal with the problems, then you'll reduce your emotional state of mind."

4. Channel Columbo. Remember the bumbling detective in the ratty overcoat? Try to present yourself as he did: more human; not the smartest; willing to ask questions and willing to make others feel more superior.

5. Take notes. Nothing makes someone feel more important than having what he or she said written down. This also will help you keep the facts straight.

6. Question, question, question. Make sure you understand exactly what the other person is saying. "What do you mean by that?" "Can you offer an example?" are good ways to get as much information as possible, and make your opponent feel she is offering valuable insight.

7. Don't focus on the ending. You can't control the outcome, but you can control your behavior and activity during the negotiation. "Don't talk about the deadline you've got to make, because that puts you in a needy position and makes it appear you'll be more willing to compromise," Camp says.

8. Always understand the final mission and purpose of the negotiation.

9. You're not friends. While "friendship happens," Camp advises that you remember your adversary is not a friend if you don't socialize with them outside of work. So don't expect you'll get a good deal from someone you might consider "a friend."

10. Understand who holds the reins. You want to be clear about who are the decision-makers in a process, and who will try to block you. Show the blockers respect, of course, but then find a way to get around them.

If you're interested in more information on negotiating, consider Camp's book, "Start with No," (Crown), $22.95.

Anita Bruzzese is author of “Take This Job and Thrive,” (Impact Publications). Write to her c/o: Business Editor, Gannett News Service, 7950 Jones Branch Dr., McLean, Va., 22107. For a reply, include a SASE.